Book Review: The Game, by Neil Strauss

The Game, by Neil Strauss

Have you ever found yourself in a slump? When you feel directionless and lack motivation.

I've been feeling like that a bit lately. But after a couple of weeks I got tired of it, and decided to try and do something about it. So I started to research good books to read to motivate, offer new perspectives, consider new skills, and help clarify my direction in life.

Of course, who has time to read though? Between work and the kids, I sure as hell don't. But as a resident of the largest city by land area in the continental United States I'm on the road quite a bit, which offers the perfect time for audiobooks.

The Jacksonville Public Library offers a variety of ways to access audiobooks. My favorite is the mobile app and web service Hoopla. Using the app, I can connect my phone to my car audio system and listen to the books as I commute or take a lunchtime jog. I can also increase the speed of the playback, allowing me to turn an 8-hour book into a more manageable 6-hour one.

And that's what I did with my first book on this new journey, The Game, by Neil Strauss.

How did I come by this book first? Internet serendipity.

I get a daily email newsletter from Lifehack.org. Most of the time its full of foolish stories about the surprising benefits of coconut water or some crap, but one day a particular story cut through my fog of disillusionment: 10 Books That Will Change Your Life by Ryan Clements.

I thought to myself that maybe I should give some of these books a try. I plugged some titles into Hoopla and The Game was the first to show up. I know, not a very intriguing story, but whatever.

The Review

The Game chronicles author Neil Strauss' journey into the lifestyle of Pickup Artist, or PUAs as they call themselves, a group of men that have made it their life's obsession to "hack" human social constructs to manipulate women in clubs to become romantically attracted to them.

As Neil described the bizarre tactics these men employed, I couldn't help but think of one of my favorite ridiculous movies, The Night At The Roxbury. Particularly the practice of "peacocking," where the men wear the loudest most obnoxious articles of clothing they can find (such as large red cowboy hats and even T-shirts with light up programmable LED messages) to stand out and attract a mate, not unlike the elaborately feathered bird.

via GIPHY

What was most intriguing however, was the men's manipulation of human psychology and social dynamics to influence the behavior of the women.  If their stories are to be believed, these tactics work almost like a type of forbidden black magic, using deception and misdirection to persuade women to give their phone numbers (and sometimes much more) to strange, wildly-dressed men they just met in a Los Angeles nightclub.

Many of these tactics could be used outside the nightclub. They center around manipulating assumptions and asserting social dominance over individuals to manipulate them onto paths of their choosing. Some of it gets a little goofy and delves into creepy things like hypnotism, but some of it actually seems plausible and plays off the default settings of our basic tribal mentalities.

The book itself is told in a narrative biographical format, detailing Neil's discovery and rise in the "seduction" community. He started as a student or "Average Frustrated Chump" (AFC), and rose to be voted the best PUA in the world for a few years in a row. (Yes, there are a lot of cheesy acronyms in this community.)

The climax of the storyline comes in his description of the rise and downfall of "Project Hollywood," a house where he and other Pickup gurus would live and gather in Los Angeles to proselytize the virtues of their various seduction methods to willing pilgrims from across the world.

Of course, it didn't work at all as how their idealized visions had hoped. Instead of a haven for men with low self-esteem to help find love and affection, it devolved into a scenario akin to The Lord of the Flies, where the competing gurus sabotaged, back-stabbed, and outmaneuvered each other to try and achieve social dominance.

There's also some fun sidebars on his interactions with celebrities. While he became a pickup guru, he was still a writer for Rolling Stone and the New York Times. During the book he describes interviews with Brittney Spears and Courtney Love, and how he used some of the skills and routines he learned in pickup to improve his career. He also talks about his experiences with Tom Cruise and how he used some similar principles in his behaviors to gain advantages in various social situations.

In the end though, pickup did little to actually help the men in the seduction community find love. They found willing sex partners sure, but not love. When Neil actually found his "one-itis" (check the book for the definition), none of the skills and routines he perfected in his time as a PUA worked. She could see through the deception and bullshit. He had to revert back to his true self to make it work, and it eventually did.

And maybe that's the moral of the tale. You can learn these skills, and they may lead to some significant short-term successes, but the path of manipulation and deception is not ultimately sustainable. To truly find love, satisfaction, and/or success in life, one must stay true to their passions and values.

Overall, I found this book to be a great read (or listen) and would recommend it to a friend. Maybe not an overly religious friend who would be disturbed by some of the racier aspects of the book though. Those conversations could get awkward.